“Where Have You Gone, Charming Billy?” Breaking News

Today a 24 year old man by the name of Chaos Oneill was gunned down in a Kentucky Fried Chicken by a sharpshooter who was believed to be set up across the street at the local Food 4 Less. He was shot directly in the heart and was killed instantly. The sharpshooter is in custody but will not cooperate with the FBI. It is believed that he shot an innocent man that looked similar to a target of the sharpshooter. It is a sad and tragic story and we wish the family of this young man good luck.